why... make a website?
a simple question i'm confident most webmasters here could answer. they want a more positive social space on the web, where social etiquette isn't thrown out the window the moment someone has the chance of "owning" someone. a space where good intentions are still kept in mind, that people on the web are - and will continue to be - just that: people.
though, i'll have to be honest here. i do feel a little isolated from the rest of what every webmaster here is trying to do.
to be fair, i didn't know this dream could be achieved so easily. i wasn't head first diving into indie websites made by the people for the people, i was an unfortunate straggler who wanted to ditch the hand i was forcibly given (was always terrible at poker anyway, but this time it's just blatantly unfair). i picked up how to format and edit other people's code when i made my toyhou.se account of this year (2023). if i had even properly used twitter in the 2010s, i know a majority of webmasters here now would call me a "twitter refugee" for also wanting to escape the corporate grasp of a toxic social media environment that pits users against each other. (although, i've always been on the outskirts of things, so maybe that's a part on me being unaware).
i only thought about making a website this year because of a passion project. i had slowly learned about the idea of making your own website with your own caloused hands formerly, but i only put that plan into action because, admittedly... it's for school. and i'm one hell of a stubborn demon who can't let go of a perfect opportunity.
so i used Sadness's Layout Builder and have been learning the hard way since then. I then took a Teppy Layout and have begun how things really worked here (though there's always another way). though, i would still need to inspect a thousand webmaster's codes in order to scratch the surface of how to use CSS in the first place.
and i'm still learning. and with what i know now, i know how freeing it is to just... do your own thing without other people knowing. or caring.
a bunch of popular online spaces (you know the ones) are constricting, with harsh moderation across all it's users within its database. it's like that intentionally (what a surprise). it was hard to put myself out there, it still is hard to put myself out there. i've lurked in my own shadows for so long i had forgotten what my body looked like.
even at the young age of 10 who's first social media was Paigeeworld, i was always self-concious in my decisions of anything relating to putting myself out there. an insecurity that has travelled with me throughout all of my life.
but, i do have to admit, not seeing all the numbers, ads and trackers has been a lot easier on the psyche. Even if this newfound fear of being watched is either completely new, or a resurfaced fear that's come to put me in a chokehold.
i still have a life outside of this place on the internet, but i really do think my website says a lot more about me than i probably could bring up in conversation. Memory problems make it all the more harder, and this online diary of sorts makes it easier to remember what i stand for, and who i really am. i've never been more myself before.
so, with this newly constructed website (not really, i founded this place forever ago. i forgot when), i hope to build that confidence and put more of myself out there than ever before, tear down these walls of code and see what they really mean, play in a sandbox of coded lines that others have constructed that I want to tear from limb to limb. character to character.
and of course,
we all want an escape. this isn't a substitute by any means, but at least i'm actually learning something semi-useful down the road, right? at least i'm traversing in a community of people who all want to make the internet a better place, correct?
by whatever's out there,
i hope so.